


putting it into words

by galaxxyfreak



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: (with lapis n jasper), ??? - Freeform, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, i curse a lot bc i write how i speak, i dont know, i dont really have a solid outline for this yet, ooof, sorry - Freeform, written for a friends b-day like a month early
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-08 12:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11646705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxxyfreak/pseuds/galaxxyfreak
Summary: Lapis unexpectedly shows up at Peridot's door at 1 am.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for avr-arts' b-day, im about a month early rip. Check out her blog [here](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/avr-arts)

_Knock Knock._

_Who the fuck was up at this hour!?_ She thought angrily, and swore if it was a another stupid teenager again she would pummel them. Even in her sleep deprived state.

Peridot didn’t expect to open the door (at 1 am, she might add) and see the roughed-up figure of her best friend. Her dark blue hoodie had several gashes, and her jeans were looking a _bit_ worse for wear. Peridot rushed her in, and she didn’t like what the added light allowed her to see.

Lapis had long, shallow gash running from her left cheekbone down to her jawline, along with a few more minor scratches. Dried tear tracks could also be seen, making the pale blonde even more concerned. She already had an idea _who_ did this, and wondered why Lapis was out at this hour with _her._

“Was this...Jasper?”

Lapis nodded, and looked away. Peridot sighed in frustration, and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Look, we can deal with this in the morning. Just,” she paused, looking at her friend sadly, “Let’s take care of you first.”

“It’s already morning.”

“Huh?” she said absentmindedly, making her way to the bathroom, a silent cue for Lapis to follow.

“It’s like what, 1 am? It’s technically morning.” the Hawaiian gave a small smirk. It didn’t reach her eyes.

“Shut it, smartass.” Peridot said while rifling through the cabinets, finding some bandages and disinfectant.  

“Okay, keep still.”

As Peridot was fixing her up, Lapis took in the blonde’s appearance. She looked tired, hair mussed and eyes lacking the spark of her usual mad scientist-like energy. Hell, even her cute freckles seemed dull.

_Cute?_

Then Lapis realized how close Peridot was. Long, pale digits touching the skin near her cut delicately, acting as a support while her other hand applied the disinfectant. She could feel herself heating up as Peridot’s warm breath ghosted across her face.

_You shouldn’t think like this. You’ve seen what you do to Jasper. What you two do to each other. Do you want the same with Peridot? You would hurt her._

_You would_ **_break her._ **

“Laz? _Laz!_ ” Peridot’s worried voice snapped her back to the bathroom.

“I-I have to go.” She knew it was irrational and stupid. She did it anyway.

“What?”

“You heard me, I have to leave.” She was making her way to the door, ignoring the pale girl’s pleas. When Peridot realized she wasn’t getting through to her, she gripped Lapis’ wrist harshly, and spoke in a firm, concerned tone.

“Lapis, you’re hurt. I’m not letting my best friend out this fucking late _alone._ ”

There was steely determination in her emerald green eyes, and Lapis knew better than to argue.

The Hawaiian allowed herself to be led into the freckly blonde’s room.

As she expected, it was a mess. It looked like a mini tornado had passed through, old clothes and papers (notes? Lapis couldn’t tell) thrown carelessly to the side. She noticed her desk had more papers strewn about, various pieces of tech she had dissected, and a pitiful looking lamp.

“Uh, d’you want something to change into?” Peridot’s cheeks flushed, and she sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck.

The idea of being surrounded by Peridot’s scent was too tempting to turn down.

 _Stop. Don’t think those things. You’re_ **_taken._ **

She stifled her intrusive thoughts, and nodded. The blonde went to go find her something.

 _Shit._ She could feel Lapis’ eyes on her back.

_Okay. Take a deep breath. You should have a pair of old pjs in the closet._

Quickly grabbing them, holding them up and deciding they were _roughly_ Lapis’ size. She balled them up and threw them to the girl on the bed, aiming for her chest. Lapis grunted, and looked at her sourly. They both knew there wasn’t really any venom to it.

“I’ll step out. I have to go find extra blankets anyway.”

 

* * *

 

Peridot insisted Lapis take her bed - _“It’ll be better on your injuries!”_ \- and the blue haired girl reluctantly accepted. She didn’t want Peridot to have to fit her tall, scrawny ~~cute~~ ass on her tiny couch.

So here Lapis was, staring up at the ceiling, in slightly too big pajamas, trying not to think about the girl in the next room. About the situation with Jasper, because _goddammit she just wanted to sleep._ She just wanted to sleep and try to forget everything that happened with the brute.

She really didn’t have anyone she fully trusted outside of Peridot and Steven, and Steven was 14, a _kid_ that shouldn’t worry about the shit decisions of his fuck-up of a friend. And Peridot, well, she was scared of these _stupid fucking feelings_ for her.

Lapis sighed deeply, getting out of bed. She headed for the kitchen, deciding a a glass of water might help her dry throat. She leaned on the counter, idly sipping.

 _You’re still with Jasper. You can’t_ ** _be_** _with Peridot, not like that. Not like you want to._

The lump on the couch stirred and groaned breaking her out of her reverie, and Lapis set the half-full glass down on the counter.

 _Was she up? Probably. That couch was a torture rack._   

“Peridot?” she whispered, walking over and squatting down, putting a hand on her blanketed shoulder.

“Mmmph. What is it Laz?”

“Get up.”

Peridot turned around, and bleary eyes tried to focus on Lapis. A soft, warm hand covered hers, and she was suddenly grateful for the dim light. Otherwise the Hawaiian would see how flustered she was.

 _Are you in middle school? Pull yourself together, you useless lesbian._  

“Wait, where are we going? I wanna sleep -”

Lapis cut her off, “Oh, _please._ You can’t sleep on that thing.”

She looked like she wanted to continue, eyes hesitant. She bit her lip, and Peridot couldn’t look away.

_Stop staring you idiot!_

Peridot swallowed audibly, “Then where do you suggest I sleep? On the floor? Because _obviously_ that’s preferable.”

“N-No,” Lapis’ heart was beating hard in her chest, blood rushing in her ears.

“Then what -”

“Sleep in the bed.” she blurted.

“But, your _injuries_ -”

“With me. We can share.” _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why did you_ **_say that?!_ **

Uncomfortable silence followed. Lapis was beet red, face ablaze, and Peridot wasn’t much better.  The Hawaiian expected her to decline, she could feel how tense the blonde was. It was practically _radiating_ off her.

A harsh intake of breath, then Peridot’s voice broke the silence, “Okay.”

Lapis stared in disbelief.

* * *

 

Peridot kept their hands clasped together as they walked to her room, and Lapis tried not to feel self conscious of how much she was sweating.

_You just asked her to sleep. With you. In her bed._

Lapis was possibly the biggest dumbass in the universe. The bed isn’t even big, because it’s meant for _one person._ So that means more of being pressed up against one another, and Lapis’ mental fortitude being tested to its limits.   

Peridot flopped down on her bed, and curled up, clinging to the edge of the bed. Lapis cautiously took the left side of the bed, back turned, but still feeling the heat of the other. It drove her insane.

“G’night.” the blonde slurred.

“Night.” she didn’t have the energy to tease her about it still being morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> schools starting tomorrow and updates will be slow, but anyways i hope you enjoy! and to everyone who commented, y'all are awesome and ily

Lapis woke up curled around Peridot, arms encircling the taller girl in a tight embrace. Peridot’s long arms were loosely wrapped around Lapis’ midsection, touching the small sliver of skin from where her pj’s rolled up. It made the Hawaiian shiver.   

It was a comfortable, tangled mess of limbs and sheet that made Lapis smile and cuddle closer. She wanted to wake up like this every morning. Instead of her head pounding from a hangover (after being dragged to another one of Jasper’s friend’s parties), with no recollection of why she had sore hips and bruises all over her body.

_Jasper._

_You’re with Jasper. You belong to_ **_her._ ** _She’s the only one who can contain you. The only one who can keep you from hurting anyone._

_You can’t keep doing this._

She carefully extracted herself from Peridot’s grip, feeling the warmth dissipate as she pulled back. Peridot’s face was relaxed, a small smile tugging at her soft lips. Lapis tried not to linger. Every fiber of her being wanted to crawl back in the bed and selfishly leech every ounce of happiness it brought her.

She tore her eyes away from the sleeping girl, and headed for the bathroom. The bandages and disinfectant were sitting on the countertop, forgotten from where Peridot had left them in favor to chase her down to convince her to stay. _Just another stupid, panicked decision you’ve made._   

Lapis was quiet as possible while replacing her bandages, every sound loud compared to the still morning. She then changed out of Peri’s pjs back into her ruined attire, annoyed about Jasper ruining yet _another_ set of her clothes. It really was ridiculous, then again, Jasper wasn't known for being considerate. Especially with other people’s things.

The lithe girl crept into the kitchen, retrieving her phone from where she’d lain it hours ago, and saw the flurry of half-assed apologies from her girlfriend.

**Jasper [3:13 AM]: c’mon babe, i’m sorry i was a bit rough**

**Jasper [3:24 AM]: just come home, i’m really sorry**

**Jasper [3:37 AM]: how many times do i have to say sorry**

**Jasper [4:10 AM]: im really worried abt you**

**Jasper [4:41 AM]: come home now**

**Jasper [6:14 AM]: are you with peridot again**

**Jasper [6:15 AM]: i told you not to go behind my back**

**Jasper [7:05 AM]: answer me**

_Fuck._

**Me [9:09]: sry i didn’t see ur texts till now**

She got a text back almost immediately. _Did she even go to bed?_

**Jasper [9:09]: where were u**

She didn’t know what to say, the seconds ticking by feeling painfully drawn out. Finally, with shaky hands and sweaty palms, she texted:

**Me [9:10 AM]: out drinking**

**Jasper [9:10 AM]: WHAT?**

Lapis winced, _That might’ve been a bad lie._

Before she could even think of a way to save her ass, Jasper texted:

**Jasper [9:10 AM]: get back here right fucking now**

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

_How was she supposed to get herself out of this hole?_

She was already on thin enough ice with Jasper.

 _If you would’ve stayed at the apartment this wouldn’t have happened. If you had gone to Pearl, or hell, even Garnet - but no. You just_ had _to go to Peridot’s. You really are asking for it._

The Hawaiian's grip on the phone was getting tighter as she continued to berate herself, knuckles turning white, her breathing picking up. She didn’t seem to notice it was happening at all.

A hand was placed on her shoulder, cautiously, and the dark-skinned girl jolted. She whirled around, meeting her friend’s concerned eyes.

Peridot’s hand was suspended in the air. She looked at it for a split second, before quickly pulling it back as if she were burnt.

“Is... Is everything okay?”

Lapis bit her lip, debating on whether or not to ask her. She really needed a ride back, but Peridot would probably refuse; Jasper and the blonde disliked each other immensely for reasons Lapis wasn’t privy to, all the blue haired girl knew was not to bring it up. She didn’t want to upset Peri.

But she really, _really_ needed a ride to the apartment.

“Lapis?” she prodded again.

“Could you take me back to Jasper’s?” It came out a bit rushed, and after a moment, she could see Peridot’s face harden slightly. Her jaw tightened, and she shifted her weight, looking uncomfortable at the mere mention of the brute’s name.   

But before Peridot could reply, Lapis spoke again, explaining herself further.

“Look, I know you two aren’t exactly the _best_ of friends but -”

“It’s not only that, Lapis.” She paused, shifting her gaze from the floor to look _directly_ in Lapis’ eyes.

“She’s _hurting you._ ” her voice cracked on the last part, bright green eyes pleading with Lapis to understand. Her arms were, again, outreached but hesitant to touch the smaller girl.

There was a pause, a short and constrictive one, before Lapis spoke.  

“She needs me. A-And I need her.” she whispered, voice small. A part of Lapis (a part that sounded suspiciously like Steven) told her she was lying, that she couldn’t possibly need Jasper. But she did. They needed each other in a sick, unhealthy way. Neither of them had the strength to stop.

~~_She didn't have the strength to stop._ ~~

She didn’t want to see what her confession did to Peridot. She looked anyway.  

The blonde looked pained, eyes trying to conceal the hurt with a more nonchalant expression, but failing entirely. God, Lapis wanted to take it back. She didn’t want to hurt her, but she knew it was for the best. Pushing Peridot away now meant Lapis couldn’t hurt her later.

Peridot opened her mouth, about to speak. Lapis steeled herself, whatever Peridot was going to say, she wanted to appear ready. But Peridot didn’t get the chance.

Because Lapis’ phone started ringing. A shitty romantic pop song that Jasper chose to be her ringtone.

_Goddammit._

She couldn’t _not_ answer it; last time she missed a few calls, well, reliving that “conversation” was not something on her to-do list.

So, she hesitantly hit the answer button and put the phone up to her ear. Peridot turned away, seemingly to go make breakfast. Lapis didn’t miss the quiet, resigned sigh the blonde let out while doing so.  

“Jasper?”

 _“Lapis,”_ she didn’t sound happy, voice deep and more gravelly than usual. That wasn’t a good sign.

 _“Are you almost home?”_ she never thought of their shared apartment as “home” (that feeling was most associated with a certain tall, green eyed blonde, not that Lapis would admit it.)

 _“Lapis?”_ she hated the way she said her name.

“N-no,” She internally groaned, “I haven’t left yet.”

She could a hear a irritated sigh, then, _“I’m picking you up. Where are you?”_

“I’ll meet you near Amethyst’s, It’s not far from here.” _It was. She hoped she still had the athletic capability of her highschool year old self._

_“Fine.”_ The line went dead.

She let out a breath, relieved that the call was over. Peridot walked up behind her, sock clad feet softly padding across the tiled kitchen floor.

“I guess I better get going, thanks for… y’know. Letting me stay.”  

“Lapis,”

“What?”

She sighed, “Please keep yourself safe. I-I know I can’t _make_ you to leave her. But just… just promise me you’ll be okay?”

It’s been awhile since Lapis felt like this. Like someone actually gave a rat’s ass about whether she’s hurting or not. Peridot always made her feel like she was worth something, not some deadbeat college dropout.  

“I’ll try.” Lapis said as she enveloped Peridot in a hug, savoring how she felt in her arms.

Then, with a rushed goodbye, Lapis was out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, and if you want to ask me stuff my tumblr is [here](http://mundane-gay.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> please comment! feedback is much appreciated <3


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